I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
