I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
