Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
