This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
