Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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