took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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