his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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