your thong is hanging out like whoa
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
