Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
