I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
