My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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