And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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