my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
