They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize