I think im going to throw up on grandma
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
