Is it because I queefed?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
