The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
