dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize