Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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