I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
