He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
