I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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