you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
