allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
