Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
