I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
