why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
