My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
