Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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