From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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