He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize