remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
