Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
May the power of my ass compel you!!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
