if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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