before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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