I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
