I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
