There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
