I could make wine with my vomit
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
