He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just had sex on a roof
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
