dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
