youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I looked at my own cervix.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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