Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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