just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
