Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
