i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You can't special order awesome
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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