hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
