I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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