I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
