maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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