Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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