I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
