I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
