Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
