and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize