Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
