I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
