i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
