i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
