Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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