apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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