Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Shame - the story of my life.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
