Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
