her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize