Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
