I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
