Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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