Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
