She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize