If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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