Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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