I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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