just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
