Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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