dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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