I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
