You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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