im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
