A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize