My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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